This Bites...

This is really more of a vent meshed with a cry for help, so please bare with me...

I believe I've mentioned it before, but Sam is a biter. And it's killing me inside. I don't know how to stop it, I don't know how to make it better, and I'm feeling miserable for being the mom with "that kid." Every day I pick her up from daycare, my anxiety grows because I have no idea which child she may or may not have gotten to this time.

Things were going so well, but today I came to discover that she bit the 11-month-old baby in the 5 seconds either of them were out of the provider's line of sight. She didn't break the skin, but it was enough to leave a complete mark that was still there when I picked her up today.

Our daycare provider has been fantastic and understanding and knows that it's just a phase, but I pains me that my daughter has to be the one all the other kids look out for. And what do I do if it gets bad enough where daycare just throws their hands up and says - sorry, there's no hope for your child, you gotta find something else. We'd be fucked.

Sam is not a bad child. In fact, she's a sweetheart, which is why I know it's hard for our provider to tell me these things because she loves her as much as we do... but the biting has to stop, and I just don't know what else to do. I've done some research, and I trust daycare 15 years if experience, but I'm just so worn out....

--------------------

Daycare has been awesome -- like I said, she's been doing this for the last 15 years or so, so I'm sure this is not new to her. She has told us she plans to watch Sam like a hawk to see exactly what's going on, but as others have already said, we know it's mostly out of frustration. Usually when someone has a toy she wants and won't give it to her, or when someone wants a toy she's already playing with.

She rarely does it much at home, unless she's overtired, which is a question I also need to ask daycare re: the time of day this all occurs. I know she has tried to bite my mother when she watches her on Tuesdays, and it's my understanding it, too, is when she's overtired and/or frustrated.

I think from this point we need to be more vigilant than we already had been -- we thought we were out of the woods. I really need to touch base with all care providers and make sure we're on the same page so that we can work together and get this to stop. Chris and I have been doing a LOT of research since yesterday went down, and I know I have a lot more to do.

Thanks all for listening to my anxiety-ridden rambling... it does help.

--------------------

It's horrible but a part of me wants her to be bitten, just so that she can see what it feels like when someone does it to her.**

Along those same lines, in talking to the daycare provider, I also feel like I want to set her up to fail in this instance.... put her in situations where I know this would be her response, and then be right there to catch her in the act and discipline her appropriately.

** by a peer... not by me. I would never bite my child.

--------------------

I actually almost suggested taking a toy away from her to see how she would react to you vs children. To see if she knows the difference. I'm guessing she would try to bite you too.

Actually, she does know the difference. If I take a toy away, she'll crumble to the floor in hysterics... biting would not be her first response because I think she knows we won't tolerate it.

--------------------

He threw something at one of his teachers once, and he thought it was funny! I was appalled.

This. Is. Sam.

When she knows she's doing something she shouldn't, and I correct her, she just laughs as if it's all one gigantic game. It's SO frustrating so that's why I really think more uniform, stricter timeouts needs to come into play in light of all this.

Edit 9/18/2012:  This post is being back-dated to recap the torment we went through with Samma regarding her biting phase.  This is taken from a back-and-forth I had with some wonderful ladies on my forums, so I thank them for putting up with my crazy.