sleep, or lack thereof...

Sleep has not been easy lately. I don't know if it's because I just have too much on my mind or what, but lately I've been tossing and turning all night. I think part of it might be I'm trying not to sleep on my back, to get used to not being able to later on, and maybe THAT is making me restless, but still.... this sucks. Already.

Chris was really sweet though... I had been getting up more at night to go pee, which is something I don't usually do, so he gave me his side of the bed, closer to the door, away from the wall. I mean, he was going to have to do it sooner than later, but it's nice to be able to get used to it now.

Napping has become my friend, not going to lie... I didn't get one in today, because I'm going to see if that's affecting my sleeping at night. This might also mean I crash at 8:30pm. We shall see.

I find myself getting anxious about telling people. I just want to do it and get it over with so I don't have to keep this secret any longer. Unfortunately, at the same time, I feel like I just can't get my hopes up yet, because gods forbid something happens. It's not that I'm not ecstatic about all of this.... I just feel like I'm so soon along that getting too excited is jumping the gun... does that make sense? Blah...

We're going to go to BJs tonight because I need food. I think I might also try pricing diapers, formula, and the like, just to see what we're going to be getting ourselves into.

And now, I'm hungry...

Another bump in the road...

It looks like we're going to have to re-evaluate our telling everyone on Valentine's Day plan...

We went out to dinner with Chris' family last night for his mother's birthday, and during the conversation, they were telling us about their upcoming trip...

MIL: So we're planning a trip to see K (SIL) in a few weeks.
Chris: Oh yeah? When are you leaving?
MIL: We'll be leaving on the 12th and coming back on the 22nd.
Me: Oh, so you'll be down there for Valentine's Day?
MIL: Yup, we're all going to double date!

-_-;;;

So now we're re-evaluating. Do we tell them before they leave on the 11th, or do we just wait until the u/s on the 22nd, and tell everyone when they come back?

It's tough... I hate having to keep this such a secret! Also, having a table full of pregnant women sitting next to us at dinner, talking about their labor, and birthing stories, and how they felt leading up to that point wasn't helping much.

YAY!

I just received a call from the OB's office, and they're moving my appointment up to Feb 22nd! SWEET! We're still going to get the ultrasound, only it's going to be at 8 weeks, rather than 10, which makes a little more sense to me. And now I don't have to wait until March 9th for my first appointment!

So here's the list of upcoming appointments, so I can keep them straight:

Feb 10th - call from the CNM to give me a basic rundown of the practice, and then answer any questions I might have before I go in for my appt.
Feb 22nd - first prenatal appointment with ultrasound!
March 9th - 2nd prenatal appointment with the doctor

Phew, things are getting crazy!

Prenatals suck.

Per request of the doctor's office, and TheBump, and everywhere else I've been reading, I need to start prenatal vitamins ASAP. Blegh. I hate vitamins with a passions, and these are no better. I went to the local RiteAid and picked up One-A-Day's prenatal package, which includes a miltivitamin for me, with all the calcium, iron, and folic acid I'm going to need, and then another soft gel with the DHA and the Omega3 and fish oil for BabyBaby. I took my first ones last night after dinner, with a large glass of water and a full belly, and so far so good, but damn... these things are horsepills. And expensive. $16.99 for both bottles, a 30-day supply. Blegh.

We also went to the gym last night for the first time in a while. I did my normal 45 minutes on the treadmill's weight loss setting lvl 5, and so far so good. I have a feeling, however, that I'm going to need to drop it down to lvl 4, or even lvl 3, sooner or later. Especially if I start going more often. I was reading that I should get at least 30 minutes of exercised per day to maintain the weight gain, so with the acception of yoga nights, it looks like I'm going to be heading to the gym on a daily basis. At least until the weather gets nicer - then I can bring Loki with me and we can walk around Pond Meadow.

Today is also my first day of making sure I'm eating more often throughout the day. This morning I was just rummaging through the kitchen cabinets for anything snacky and low-fat that I can bring with me to work. Raisins, dry Cheerios, Cheez-Its, and green pepper sticks. It's something better than nothing until we go out food shopping.

And finally, we decided our plan of attack for telling people - we're going to let our immediate families know on Valentine's Day... going to get our parents "Grandparents" V-day cards and see if they can figure it out. I was also told I could let my boards in on our secret at that time because a) it's been SO hard keeping it quiet, especially with everyone asking me if I got a BPF this past weekend... that's mianly my fault for talking about it so much, but I just didn't know I would actually get a BFP! and b) I want to start to post on the 1st Tri Bump boards and such without any stalkers spillin' beans that aren't there's to spill. Once we get the sonogram from the doctor's appt in March (which seems like years away) then we'll let the masses know. I just still want to play it safe, but I feel like this is something we should definitely share with our parents beforehand.

I'm still feeling sleepy, but so far so good with any sickness. And I have my decaf coffee, so that makes things a little more comfortable.

14DPO... still a BFP

I took another test this morning, like I said I was going to, and sure enough, two more blue lines starting back at me. I guess it didn't go away over the weekend after all. ;p

I had to go and buy decaf tea and coffee this morning. It was weird. So far, though, no withdrawl headaches... this is a plus. Unfortunately, the teas I already have in my desk are no good... one specifically says not to take while pregnant. Damn herbal teas. Also, no more Sweet 'N Low... Splenda and Equal only.

I called my gyno's office this morning, and was pleasantly surprised when they told me that she no longer practices obstetrics, and hadn't for the last couple of years. Luckily, they gave me a name for an OB right in Weymouth, so I gave them a call.

South Shore Womens Health looks to be a decent group practice, which definitely will have its upsides. As much as I love my gyno, she's a solitary practitioner, so what was going to happen if I went into labor and she, for some reason, wasn't going to be able to make it? I would get stuck with a stranger delivering my baby... not ideal. But with a group practice, as far as I can see, you get to know the individuals who will be there for you directly, so when the time comes, you'll at least know someone who will be there.

Anyway, I have my first prenatal appointment scheduled for Tuesday, March 9th at 9am. I'll be 10 weeks at that point, so they'll do the first ultrasound to hear the heartbeat... Chris is so coming with me to that one!

She also told me I need to get prenatal vitamins... I'm on it. I just have to make sure it has the DHA supplement, in addition to folic acid, iron, and calicum would be nice. I will probably pick those up today after work.

Right now, I'm just tired. I feel really drained, and all I want to do is go home and take a nap.

We're going to try to go to the gym tonight, but I'm already looking for excuses to talk myself out of it. Oh, and I read I gotta keep the pulse lower than 120bpm... *sigh*

BFP ~ 12DPO

A line is a line is a line is a line.

And that's exactly what I kept telling Chris this morning after I saw two blues ones on the test.

I went to bed knowing I was going to test this morning. And I think that was part of the reason for my restlessness throughout the night. That and I swore I kept feeling AF-like cramps. So at 6:30am I had to use the bathroom, and figured that now would be as good of a time as any (I also tempted, just in case it was a BFN), and not even 2 minutes later, sure enough, a distinct blue line matching the control window was starting back at be.

I quickly turned on the hall light and the bedroom light, just to make sure I wasn't going crazy.

"Baby, I think I'm pregnant."
"Really? Well congratulations... Why are you up so early?"

I wanted to smack him so bad, but I think he was still half-asleep because he quickly sat up, took the test from me, looked it over, and then couldn't stop smiling. It was actually really cute.

We spent the rest of the morning snuggin' and talking everything over... we're both pretty happy with this. The only downside is that we didn't get Aflac like we had wanted to, but that's what happens when you use the "whatever happens, happens" method.

We both agreed not to tell anyone, other a select two friends, until we go to the first ultrasound to make sure we're out of the clear. That, I think, is going to be the hardest part.

Needless to say, I'm still in shock. He's beyond shock, and excited. I'm being realistic, and trying to not get my hopes too high, just yet... he's telling me I need to not worry and start getting excited.

I'm going to POAS again Monday morning before I call my OB-GYN, just to make sure I'm not seeing things...

10DPO

FertilityFriend is not my friend. It's telling me my cycle length is 31 days, which it never is, and that O-day was CD16, which is later than I expected. Therefore, according to FF, today is 10DPO, but I shouldn't test until next Saturday... I am impatient, and I'm going to go to the drug store and buy some tests anyway. Yup, you heard it here first. Granted, AF is supposed to arrive tomorrow, but still...

VIP Status

Yesterday I made the leap and signed up for VIP status on FertilityFriend.com.

When I initially signed up to use the site, they had offered a 30-day trial membership to suck you in. It worked.

It wasn't that bad - $16.95 for a 3-month subscription, and if I happen to get pregnant before those 3 months are up (I wish), I can place my account on hold, to come back to when I'm TTC again.

But right now, looking at my chart, my temps must be all screwed up. I had CH yesterday at CD16, and now that I put in today's temp, they took them away, having no idea about an O day, and telling me that AF is coming on CD27 again. UGH, FF- make up your mind!

Can you keep a secret?

I figure, since we're somewhere in between Trying to Conceive (TTC) and waiting to TTC, I might as well start a blog to write about our exploits. ;) We're trying to keep it on the DL for now, only because we don't want to get anyone's hopes up, and the last thing we want is the pressure to be on us from our families.

Our initial plan was to wait until our 1st anniversary to officially being trying, however we're now almost to our 4-month anniversary, and are finding ourselves in the "whatever happens, happens" stage. I think I want to blame all the babiness around us... I know at least 3 different women IRL who are pregnant, and even more online.... it's crazy!

We're both ready enough - we have a house, we both have stable jobs, we have money in savings. We're currently looking into a Short-Term Disability plan through Aflac for me, as my employer does not offer a STD plan through our company. Plan is we're going to wait for my next cycle to begin, and then sign up, and you need a 10-month waiting period before giving birth for the policy to take affect. Read: We need to play nice for a good month, if not more, and pray for a healthy pregnancy to get paid.

I'm still in the process of reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility (TCOYF). TTC, TTA (Avoid), or just wanting to know how the female body works, it's definitely a great read for any female who's curious.

This is my first cycle charting, thanks to FertilityFriend.com (FF). Said chart can be found here.

I've been temping since the beginning of my last cycle, give or take a few days. I finally just received the crosshairs (CH) that denote my Ovulation (O) day. According to FF, Cycle Day (CD) 16 is my Oday, which would mean if I maintained my 26-day cycle, my luteal phase would only be 10 days... ideally, it needs to be at least 12, I believe. I'm not going to get too concerned yet, but this is something I definitely need to keep an eye on.

More to come, soon, I hope...