A much-needed update...

First - IT'S A GIRL!!!!!

Second - a belly picture. 19 weeks, 4 days

Third- these last few days have sucked. Why? Well, rather than repeat myself, I am going to copy/paste what I wrote on my most-visited message board:

Over these last few days, I have been going through the most tumultuous of situations, and for no other reason than lack of explanation. My world was upside down, inside out, and I honestly had to consider some of the toughest scenarios that any mother to be should never have to face. So to my pregnant Niners, and anyone else soon to be, or thinking of it in the future, I give you the biggest lesson of your prenatal tenure: ASK QUESTIONS.

We went for our fetal scan on Monday, and the 20 minutes between finding out she was a girl and speaking to the midwife were the happiest we had ever felt.... and then the midwife opened her mouth, and my world did a complete 180.

She told us the baby may have a "possible brain abnormality" and she wanted us to go to the hospital and get a level II ultrasound and speak to a genetic counselor. By that time we were both frozen with anxiety and panic, while the midwife was spewing out terms such as "quad screening" and "Downs Syndrome." We couldn't speak... our perfect little girl could have a serious problem.... and I spent the rest of the appointment bawling my eyes out. Looking back now, it was almost as if the midwife was waiting for us to say something, but no words came out... we were in shock. And she acted surprised that that I was so upset... yet didn't give us any more information. She tried to console us, saying causally that it could be nothing, but I could get "possible brain abnormality" out of my head....

The appointment at the hospital was initially scheduled for next Wednesday, but there was no way we could tolerate that long to find out what was wrong with our little girl... so when I called to pre-reg for my appointment, I put my foot down harder than I ever have before, and we were able to get the appointment changed to today. So rather than a whole week's worth of anxiety, we only had 3 days.... but let me tell you, those 3 days were the worst days of my life, to date, and I would never wish them upon another soul, no matter how much I despised you.

I couldn't eat. I could barely move. I couldn't think about anything baby related - my life was at a stalemate until I could find out what was wrong with my daughter. I was empty... I was broken.... luckily, sleep was the only consolation I had... for once, my brain was able to turn off, but the moment I would wake up it would start turning dark again, thinking of the worst-case scenarios, because thats how it works...

The appointment was at 12:45pm today, the meeting with the genetic counselor first, and then the ultrasound right after. I felt like a zombie walking down the hall to the Maternal Fetal Medicine department... it was serious akin to a death march, thats how I felt inside.

However the moment we met Emily, the genetic counselor, a sudden ray of hope filled me for the first time. When she asked me how our day was going, and I informed her it could be better, she looked at me with a huge smile, saying "I bet you're going to do a 180 by the time you get out of here."

When we sat down in her office, the first thing she asked us was what our doctor's office told us was wrong. We told her. She shook her head and said it couldn't have been further from the truth. She went over everything with us - how the unit worked, what the report from our doctor said, what they were going to do, and that we wouldn't leave the hospital without an answer.

What we thought was a brain abnormality turned out, per the report, to be a "mottled" Choroid plexus cyst, which basically meant that the supposed to be round choroid plexus in the baby's brain (where the spinal fluid is formed and recycled) was an odd shape other than the circular shape the tech was used to seeing. That was it. And there's nothing in connection with the choroid plexus that has to affect the baby's learning, talking, cognitive skills, etc. Downs Syndrome, according to Emily, should never have even been mentioned. The ONLY connection this has with any chromosomal defects is Trisomy 18, and even still there would have been more obvious markers with the baby's development that would have been red flags... there was nothing. Other than this "mottled" CP, the baby was perfectly fine. She told us, when the file came in yesterday, that she didn't understand why we were there in the first place...

So we went to get the u/s in better hopes. The tech was quick and thorough, and 15 minutes later the doctor, who looks at these ultrasounds for a living, gave one more look at my belly, and told us there was nothing wrong with our baby.

You have no idea the feeling of relief that washed over me at that moment.

Emily came back into the room before we left and gave us both huge hugs.... we needed it.

The only downside to this all is that my placenta is low - about 1.5cm away from the cervix... we're hoping that as the baby gets bigger and the uterus explains, it will move away, but honestly, right now, it's the least of my concern.

So I reiterate.... PLEASE ask questions.... even if you dont think you can form them, try. If Chris and I could just have gathered our wits enough for them to explain to us about this "abnormality" before we left, I honestly think I would have been in much better spirits going into today.

I know this is rambly and I apologize, but having to deal with this over the last few days and not wanting to talk about it has been harder than you think....